Steven's Bizarre Adventures
by sweetestphallus
Summary: Enough said.
1. Chapter 1

Steven Universe opened his fat, white eyes, and looked at the sky which floated dazzling above him since the day he was born and his mommy died.

"Needs more bitches," he said.

Steven got up from fucking and eating Batman's dead corpse in the wet Gotham City streets and ran downstairs to his house in Beach City. He opened the door, and he was greeted by Garnet's red, bodacious booty, which glistened in the sun like a ripe tomato. Her ass was once as flat as Iggy's singing career but it got a lot bigger after being pounded by Yellow Diamond. The yellow fragments of his diamond-hard cock splintered into her every orifice and the magic did its work from there. You know what they say..."Diamonds are a girl's best friend"?

"Steven, what the fuck are you doing here?"

"I live here, Garnet."

"Oh, yeah. Sorry, I forgot about that because I was busy scratching your dad's ass. Do you need anything?"

"Yeah, actually. What REALLY happened to my mom?"

"I killed her. And I'm your mom."

Steven was shocked, and his face went red - almost as red as Garnet's red, juicy, bodacious, glorious, nutritious buttocks. How could this be? Is this some kind of weird fanfiction?  
Is this actually happening. In that space of time 6 trillion years had passed, and Steven had now aged into a spooky skeleton because he forgot that he could control his age. Garnet,  
on the other hand, couldn't age, and her butt was as red and bodacious as ever.

"That's right, Steven, I killed your mother. People die when they are killed, so she's dead. Forever. HAHAHA!"

Out of nowhere, Donald Trump appeared out of nowhere and began licking Steven's bony penis. His skeletal erection pleased Superman, who began joining the action. Nebuchadnezzar II awoke from a long slumber and began licking out the ice cream in the fridge outside the Batcave, his ancient Babylonian prowess proved too much for Steven, who instantly came, and his semen spread all over the world.

Something was happening. The sticky hot semen which was covering the planet was now being sucked back to Steven, and it coated his bony, skeletal body. Then something happened - his body began to grow back!  
And he had abs now? What was the explanation for this? And he had a batman cape and cowl on.

"I'm Vengeance, I am the Semen, I am Batsemenking!"

What the hell was that? 


	2. Chapter 2

Steven woke up and, as he did so, he noticed a sticky white substance covering ever corner of his young body. 'Must be the nectar of the gods,' he thought. Having come to this conclusion, Steven began licking and drinking every last drop of the strange white liquid, until his body was almost entirely dry, when he realised that the entire house was covered in the stuff. Garnet lay on the floor - her red, juicy ass redder than it had ever been before, and her blissful countenance had pleasure painted all over it. She too was licking this liquid, the nature of which was of no concern to either party - it was simply delicious.  
After several hours of this, Garnet came to her senses. She put on her clothes and woke up Steven. "Fucking bitch," he grumbled. "Can't you see I'm trying to sleep?"  
"Doesn't look like you're sleeping," Garnet replied, her voice soothing Steven's seething rage. "Steven. This isn't the nectar of the gods, or whatever bullshit story Pearl told you. This is semen, Steven." Steven was confused. Living with crystalline aliens for your entire life meant you never got 'the talk'. As though she had read Steven's mind, Garnet continued. "I know you're going to ask me if some corrupted gem is behind this. In truth, the only 'corrupt' things at work here are your thoughts. Greg will tell you more in the morning. Oh wait, he's coming right now."  
Steven was confused. "How do you know he'll be here?" "Future vision, bitch."  
Greg was wearing a rose-coloured speedo - the same one he wore while making Steven. Steven cringed at the sight of his own father wearing that...that thing. As if things couldn't get any worse, Pearl was with him - in all her salty glory. "STEVEN!" Pearl shouted. Steven wondered if even Lion could produce a sound so loud. "CLEAN THIS MESS UP - IMMEDIATELY!" Greg turned around, a Gem Destabiliser magically appearing in his hand, and stabbed Pearl with it. She dematerialised in an instant. "Take that, bitch." Greg proclaimed, with a smug look on his face. "Steven, I've come to shatter your gem."  
Garnet was shocked. "WHAT THE HELL! WE DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING!" Greg slapped her. "Bullshit," he shouted. "Pearl and I saw everything - or should I say, you and Pearl." Garnet was confused, her face resembling Leafy's aborted child. "That's right, Garnet. The writer can talk about aborted fetuses all he wants. I mean, come on. My son just turned into a skeleton, had a gangbang with Superman and a 2500-year-old king, jizzed all over the world and licked up the mess. Don't look so squeamish." Garnet got up from the floor.  
"Are you stupid? I have future vision, remember? I already know your master plan - you stole the Time Sands of Blue Diamond, travelled to the future then harvested my gem powers. Then, you travelled back to the past to try and steal Steven's power, too."  
Greg was flabbergasted. His entire plan had been revealed before he'd even had a chance to brag about it, in full James Bond fashion. "Wha- but HOW?!" "Future vision, bitch." 


End file.
